i fill the hours
with noise and commotion,
tasks and lists,
and anything that moves my hands
so my mind can’t wander
into corners i know too well.
the silence terrifies me,
so i’ll pack every second
with the weight of something,
anything,
to keep the thoughts at bay.
and when the day ends,
i hope i’m exhausted enough
to sleep without remembering
what i tried so hard
not to feel.